reflection

After a busy holiday season, Christmas break has finally provided some time for rest and reflection.

 

My emotions have been all over the map for the last couple weeks. Most recently, I've been filled with joy as we celebrated our Savior's birth with family and friends. Yet even in these days of happy rejoicing, here and there my heart remembers all those who are grieving during this holiday season -- those close to home and far away, family, friends or those I've never met. Regardless, my heart has been with them, along with my prayers.

 

I couldn't help but think especially of those families in Newtown, Connecticut. Ever since I heard the news of the devastating tragedy they faced on that unforgettable Friday, I've had a hard time not thinking about it. Being an elementary school teacher myself, this tragedy had even greater impact for me than previous public shootings.

 

I was relieved not to hear about the devastation at Sandy Hook Elementary School until after my own school day was finished. I saw a few parents upset when picking up their kids that day and I wondered why. Had I known the reason, I think I would've been equally emotional with my students. When I did hear the news from a colleague shortly after school, I was shocked. My mind flooded with questions, the main one being: "Who could do such a thing, and WHY?" I wanted to learn more but decided that watching the news was not a good option for me. I am a very visual person and images stay in my mind long after I've seen them. I didn't want to fill my mind with images of the terror that happened that day. I was already imagining it, and so disturbed just thinking of the elementary school students and staff who bore witness to it all.

 

Though I did listen to the NPR radio coverage on my way home that day, and had to try hard to hold back my tears. Over the next couple days, I kept thinking of those parents who couldn't tuck their children in that night, or those students shaking in their hiding places, or the teachers and staff who did everything they could think of to comfort and protect the students they loved so much. I also thought of the first responders who had no choice but to be strong, even when they too probably wanted to close their eyes and cry.

 

By Sunday morning, I decided I should turn on the TV to honor those whose lives were lost by seeing their names and faces on the screen. In each face, it was hard not to see my own students shining eyes or smiles, or those of my colleagues. To me, it was a grim reminder that this tragedy could've happened anywhere, at any school.

 

That night, I also tuned in to the Interfaith Prayer Service that was held in Newtown in honor of the victims. I joined in with my own prayers, that somehow God would bring good out of such a bad situation, and that he would comfort the families of those beloved 26 and the entire Newtown community.

 

Perhaps watching the news that day was not the wisest decision for me though. Sunday night, I laid awake in bed for hours. Thoughts and emotions ran wild in my mind --- sadness for those affected, fear for the safety of my own school, dread for the conversation I would have with my class the next day, and one looming question:

 

As a teacher, what would I do in that situation?

 

I have the utmost respect for those teachers and administrators who gave their lives to save others. I can only hope that I would do the same for my precious 7-8 year olds if I were ever in the position to do so. I'm sure God would give me strength and wisdom in times of danger, and I trust Him to protect us. Yet, that night as I laid awake, I couldn't help but form a plan. I felt there had to be something I could do, even something small, that would make my students (and myself) feel the slightest bit more secure at school. I decided to keep my classroom door locked from that point on, but propped open with a wooden block door stopper, so students and teachers can still go in and out easily even if the door is closed. This way, in the event of an emergency, I wouldn't have to go to my desk, get my keys, then run to the opposite side of the room, go into the hallway, and lock the door from the outside. Instead, just one kick of the door stopper will allow me to close and lock the door quickly. I'm also grateful to have a bathroom in my classroom this year, where I could hide all the little ones and guard it with my life. I pray I never have to.

 

It was different walking into school that following Monday morning. Though I know it is still a secure place to be, it felt less safe and sacred than it did the week before. We met as a staff to discuss how to talk about the tragedy with our students in an age appropriate way. I was worried that my 2nd graders would be talking about it together before I could even address it with the class. But amazingly (a total God moment!), they knew better than to bring it up as "playground conversation." When we met for devotions as a class, I told them something sad happened at a school in CT --- that some students and teachers were hurt and we needed to pray for them and their families. I asked them to raise their hands if they already heard about this sad story and talked about it with their parents. The majority of them raised their hands. We spent some time in prayer, and I closed by telling them they could write me a note during the day if they wanted to tell me what they knew or ask questions about what happened. A few took me up on the offer, wanting to fill me in on what they learned from their parents, but most had already moved on and were now more concerned with which book to read or what to play at recess. Only one student's question was hard for me to answer:

 

"My mom says it will never happen to me. Is that true, Mrs. Beverly?"

 

Oh, if only I could say, "Yes. Definitely. It will never happen to you." But how, in this sinful world, could I make such a promise? I quickly came up with an alternative answer. I assured this student that our school is a safe place to be, and that teachers will do anything to protect their students. I reminded her that incidents like the one in Sandy Hook Elementary School don't happen often, and that there are millions of students who go to school around the world every day and go home unharmed. And thankfully, since I work in a Christian school, I could leave her with one more important truth. While I can't promise her that evil will never invade our school, I can promise that God is watching over us and will NEVER leave us. With that, this sweet girl skipped back to her desk and resumed her reading.

 

Funny how what I told her was exactly what I needed to hear too. 

 

After Monday, each day at school got a little easier as we all adjusted back to routine. Little by little, I was able to pull my mind away from Friday's tragedy and refocus on my students. Even during Wednesday's lock down drill, the kids were not fearful, knowing that the drills we practice are just another thing we do to stay safe at school.

 

While I initially dreaded talking to my students after this tragedy, I can now say that being with them was the best way to remind myself that we cannot live in fear. We can take precautions, but ultimately our strength and trust can only come from God alone.

 

My prayer for the Newtown community is that they will also be able to find strength in God through this incredibly difficult time.

a gift to ourselves

Just 9 years ago, my 17th birthday was just around the corner and my dad was helping me decide on my first car. When he asked what I wanted, I had many important specifications in mind ... "Hmm..., a pretty color, 4 wheels, and a CD player." My dad had a good laugh (and quite a different experience with my two brothers that followed). But, it sure did make the car buying process a lot easier! The first used car my dad found for me to take a look at was a 2001 Oldsmobile Alero. I took it for a test drive in the dealership parking lot and decided it was a winner! It was previously owned by an older gentleman who only put about 36,000 miles on it and had taken great care of the vehicle, inside and out. For that reason, my brothers referred to the car as a "Grandpa car," but I loved it and that's all that mattered.

That car was so good to me. Until recently, I rarely had any problems with it. I took the car with me everywhere -- Delaware, Boston, Washington DC, back and forth to Michigan too many times to count! One Spring Break, four of us piled in and took turns driving it all the way down to Florida! I'll admit that I had my fair share of minor accidents,  bumping into snow banks or parked cars (oops!). A deer hit me once and left some damage (yes, I believe the deer hit me, not the other way around -- it came out of nowhere!). But aside from my own mistakes, the old Alero was faithful to the end. As our only vehicle for quite some time, my husband and I put a lot of stock in that car!

So it was bittersweet for me when we realized the life of the Alero was coming to an end. We had racked up over 117,000 miles and the wear was starting to show. For the past couple years, more and more things started to go wrong and we realized we were spending more money on repair bills over the course of a year than we would on a new car payment. The time had finally come to start looking for a new car.

After months of research (thanks to my hubby for that!) and a few test drives, we decided to purchase a 2013 Subaru Impreza hatchback. After selling the Alero on Craigs List, we were all set to order our Subaru. We picked up the new ride last week and we absolutely love it. Merry Christmas to us! We hope this car treats us as well as the old Alero!

merry christmas to all!

It doesn't seem too long ago that I was still living at what I will always refer to as "home" with my parents and two younger brothers, and would wake up on Christmas morning to my youngest brother's knocking on the bedroom door ... and then knocking on the bathroom door ... "Why do you need to brush your teeth? Why do you need to wash your face? It's Christmas! Come and see the presents!"

Funny how things have changed ... this morning I was the one to wake up at 6:15 AM and not able to fall back to sleep knowing it was Christmas morning! By 7:00, we were out the door with gifts in hand, heading to my parents' house. We arrived to find that youngest brother was still in bed! Now 16, and could sleep until noon, I was quick to knock on his door! 

As usual, we read the Christmas story, opened stockings and gifts, and had breakfast together ... all before 10 AM! For our family, Christmas excitement cannot be contained -- no matter your age!

how is it December already?

I guess my absence here over the past several weeks gives you a glimpse into the state of my life lately ... busy, busy, busy! Always somewhere to be or something to be doing. (A bit different from a post not too long ago... can you tell I had to say good bye to my student teacher recently?!) I hope it's just "that time of the year!" 

Yes, it's true ... the holidays are upon us! How did that happen? Let's back up just a bit.

November snuck up on us after the wrath of Hurricane Sandy in late October. While our personal effects were minimal, by the first days of November it was clear that many others needed our help. Though school was cancelled through November 2, our days were filled! Friends and family were in and out of our home to escape the cold. We volunteered time at our church, which partnered with local organizations and municipalities to provide meals for two nearby shelters. My husband's working hours went through the roof as he tried to meet the needs of those in our community who were struggling as a result of the storm. Yet in the midst of the chaos, it was amazing to see how God worked in and through us (and so many others) to share His love with people in need.

But, once we were able to settle back in to routine again, November brought some great times:

1. A successful a.j.e.less designs open house party! This year brought our highest sales and best attendance yet! We decided that 10% of our sales from the night would be donated to the Red Cross for Hurricane Sandy relief efforts.

2. A night out on the town! We thought that the student teachers should get to see NYC in its full glory, so we took the ferry into Midtown at dusk, stopped for a bite to eat, and went to see a Broadway show! It was definitely not your typical Thursday night (and a little harder getting up that following Friday morning)!

3. Supper Six. This great idea sparked at my church a few months ago -- families signed up to gather for a meal with 2 other families that they did not know very well. Each family agreed to meet once a month, taking turns hosting dinner in their home. The hope was to build community in the body of Christ. We were assigned to host first, so I broke out all the dinner plates (actually had to borrow some from our downstairs neighbors) and set the table for 10.  It was tight, but we made it work! We bought enough wine and bread to go around, baked two different lasagnas, and asked each of the other two families to bring salad or dessert. I admit I had some butterflies in my stomach as I waited for 6:00 to roll around that Sunday (we are not at the top of the most outgoing list!), but the 10 of us had a wonderful dinner together! It was great to get to know others from our church family that much better. It's amazing how much closer you feel after just one meal. I was worried that their kids may feel out of place, but they each brought their own additions to the conversation. We look forward to our upcoming dinners with these new church friends!

4. The second grade students were responsible for presenting the Thanksgiving chapel at our school. It's always a bit stressful putting the program together (you can only imagine practicing with 30 7-8 year olds), but the end result always turns out adorable, even if mistakes are made. My favorite part of this year's program was a slideshow of pictures drawn by the second grade students about what they are thankful for. I promise I didn't even make him write this! :)

5. Of course, the Thanksgiving break was also a highlight of the month! We spent the holiday with my family this year. It was a small and quiet gathering, but relaxing. All in my family were very thankful that my youngest brother's recent knee surgery was a success and that his recovery is quickly progressing! But of course, the list of things to give thanks for is long ... more to come about that soon! (I hope not to wait so long before posting again!)

life on hold

In the day to day of routine life, it always seems to me that life is on fast forward. It always seems that there is more to do and not enough time to accomplish it all. Yet, when a storm forces us all to slow down for a few days -- or a whole week, it seems we have nothing to do! We so quickly become bored when the lights go out.

Thankfully there was just a brief time in our house when the power was out. That was the worst of it for us -- some howling winds that made the house shake, and a half hour without power. We were so fortunate, and glad to hear that our friends and family were as well (though some are still without power). My heart hurts for so many in the surrounding areas who did not fare so well and lost so much more than power. It is heartbreaking to watch the news and see the devastation around New Jersey and New York City. 

I came across Psalm 107 in my devotions today. I found it fitting and uplifting - hope you do too. I know that God can bring good out of this awful situation, and I know that He will.

Psalm 107:1-9, 14, 29-31

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

his love endures forever.

Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story-

those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,

those he gathered from the lands,

from east and west, from north and south.

"Some wandered in desert wastelands,

finding no way to a city where they could settle.

They were hungry and thirsty, 

and their lives ebbed away.

Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,

and he delivered them from their distress.

He led them by a straight way

to a city where they could settle.

Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for mankind,

for he satisfies the thirsty

and fills the hungry with good things.

"He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,

and broke away their chains.

"He stilled the storm to a whisper,

the waves of the sea were hushed.

They were glad when it grew calm,

and he guided them to their desired haven.

Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for mankind."

these are a few of my favorite things

... about this fall!

1. The leaves changing colors. A few weekends ago, we drove 4 hours up to Syracuse to visit friends and it was the perfect time of year to do so ... the roads were lined with trees and I was content to pass the time simply by enjoying the amazing colors around us! We also enjoyed a leisurely hike last Sunday, which gave me chance to capture these beautiful fall colors with my camera.

2. Fall foods. Being a dessert person, I love this time of year for its apple crisp, homemade apple sauce, pumpkin muffins, and various pies (though pumpkin is my favorite!) I have also become a fan of the Keurig machine at school since the PTO has kindly provided apple cider K-cups for us non-coffee drinkers. Good thing I don't anticipate putting my bathing suit on any time soon!

3. Fall decorations. I love driving through neighborhoods to see front entryways graced with mums and pumpkins. (But I could do without the disgusting Halloween displays!) Though I don't have many autumn decorations of my own, I have become obsessed with lighting my new pumpkin spice candle every night!

4. Having a student teacher. What a difference it makes to have an extra set of hands in the classroom at all times! I don't know what I am going to do without her come December. I am enjoying it while I can! The last few weeks have been especially nice because she has been taking on more and more responsibilities in the classroom, which means less planning and grading for me! I've enjoyed the opportunities to work with students in smaller groups while she is teaching, as well as plan ahead for upcoming events like field trips and our 2nd grade Thanksgiving chapel. 

5. Resting on the Sabbath. As a teacher, it has always been difficult to truly set aside a full day each week to rest ... until now. Thanks to the help of a student teacher, I've been able to get my necessary work done on Saturdays, along with grocery shopping and laundry, so that I can enjoy and focus on God on Sundays. I've used recent Sunday afternoons as opportunities to do things I love that I wouldn't normally have as much time for -- craft projects, visiting with friends, walks with loved ones, being outside. The best part is that my husband (now that he is no longer in grad school) can also now relax on Sundays, so we've enjoyed our Sabbaths together. It is a wonderful feeling not to dread Sundays as a day of preparing for the school week ahead, and to sleep well on Sunday nights having relaxed during the day! I am going to try my very best to stick to this pattern even after my student teacher is finished with her semester.

6. Seeing God's provision. God provided the perfect non-profit ministry job for my husband in late August, and it has been so rewarding to see how happy he is working in this position. Like any new job, this one can be overwhelming at times, but overall I can tell that he is enjoying his day to day activities and feels that God has placed him here for a reason. It has been especially gratifying to see how (in just 2 months on the job) God has provided for the ministry in times of need. Right when we start to worry that the food pantry shelves are looking sparse, or that the monthly bills won't be paid on time, God provides through generous donors. I love coming home to hear my husband's work stories about God's miraculous provision, and it is a continual reminder that God provides for us at home too.

Though I am a summer-lover through and through, this fall has definitely had its perks! Giving thanks for it all ...

soon to be mommy!

We are in Syracuse for the long weekend, enjoying time with great friends who are soon to be parents for the first time! Of course I had to take advantage of this opportunity to take some beautiful fall maternity photos. It's hard to believe that the next time we visit, their baby boy will be here!